Catfish Chronicles

Uncle Bud moved to Tennessee years ago. When he got here, he had to make a choice between being a drummer or making an honest living. After finding out how many drummers were already living here, he changed his mind and decided on an honest living. So he opened a restaurant and started selling Catfish! Since that time, Uncle Bud’s has served tons of delicious Catfish and millions of hushpuppies! Watch out McDonalds! It won’t be no time before Uncle Bud is feedin’ all of Tennessee!

PARIS, TENNESSEE is home of “THE WORLD’S BIGGEST FISH FRY.” Every April they have a week-long party where they serve more than 5 tons of catfish to about 100,000 people! Jeb Weadly from Buladeen, Tenn, has been attending for the past 4 years now and he always brings all the Bones home!  Seems Jeb is building a minature replica of the Capitol Building in Washington, including tiny reproductions of all the senators and representatives made entirely from catfish bones!  When we asked Jeb how the project was coming, he said he had completely finished the building but figured he’d have to go back to Paris at least 4 more years before he had enough crooked bones to finish the politicians.

Uncle Bud said he reads every day about how good Catfish is for you.  About how it’s high in protein and low in fat and cholesterol. He said he’s real glad about all that, but if just one day somebody would write how it doubles your sex drive, he’d probably have to build two more parking lots.  Catfish Farms in Mississippi account for about 75% of all the Catfish produced in the world. That’s about 200 millions pounds a year.

Uncle Bud says if folks around Middle Tennessee keep coming out here to eat with us so much, Mississippi might just have to put on a night shift.

THINGS YOU DON’T KNOW IF YOU ARE NOT FROM THE SOUTH!

  • The general direction of “yonder”.
  • How long “directly” is.
  • How many catfish or white beans or hushpuppies are in a “mess.”
  • That “fixins” can be a noun or a verb or an adverb (as in “I’m fixing to have some fixins”)
  • The difference between “right near” and “down the road.”
  • The difference between a “redneck”, “a good ole boy” and “poor white trash.”

Once upon a time this Farmer and this Catfish were carrying on a conversation. (Heck if Walt Disney can get away with it, so can we!) Anyway, the Farmer said to the Catfish “You know we’ve got a lot in common.”  The Catfish looked at him kinda funny and said “How do you figure?”  Then the Farmer said “Well, take Uncle Bud’s® for instance.  I grow the corn for the hushpuppies and the cornmeal and you supply the Fish.”  The Catfish shook his head and said “You got it all wrong, my friend. You’re merely involved with Uncle Bud’s®, I’m Totally Committed.”

Uncle Bud says

  • Talk is cheap unless a lawyer is doing the talking
  • Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
  • Always drink upstream from the herd.
  • If you find yourself in a hole, first thing is stop digging.
  • Ignoring the facts don’t change the facts.
  • If one person says, “you’ve made my day,” that makes my day